trip

I am trying to decide if I should go to Rexburg over the 3 day weekend. It would be a lot of fun to see everyone and nice to take a break from teaching and all of that but I'm nervous about what seeing daniel would do to my ever so small amount of progress I have made in that area. I still miss him and think about him every single day. Weekends are harder than ever. Since people here don't know him or anything about that part of my life its like he doesn't exist here and I miss something that isn't real. Except my hurting is very real. Also, will going to Rexburg make me sad because everyone has had so much happen already that I haven't been a part of and I will just feel out of the loop? I miss everyone. I guess that's what happens in life though. You get close to people but eventually things change. You can still be close but it will always be different and things can never be like they were.

Cass misses Jared a lot and I feel bad for both of them. Giving up your best friend sucks. I was looking at Jared's blog the other day and he changed the songs that play and the first ones are now all about a girl leaving, or a girl choosing the other guy, or wanting a girl to come back to you. It made me sad to feel his pain through music. I wish I could talk to him and make him feel better but I don't know what I would say and I don't want to hurt cass more by talking to him when she can't. Maybe I'll just find a way to let him know that I've been thinking about him and praying for his happiness.

I don't think that Daniel even thinks about me or misses me. He is busy and if something isn't right in front of him he doesn't think about it. It hurts to think that someone that I care so much about can just place me in a little part of his brain and be done when he wants to be. Why is it so easy for him? I wish it were that easy for me.

Well the plan is to sleep in as long as humanly possible before church starts at 1 tomorrow. Who am I kidding, even though I'm going to bed at almost 2 I bet my body wakes up at 8:30 at the latest. This new schedule my body is on makes me feel like an old woman.