emotional whirlwind

There are so many things going on in my life right now that I feel like I should write about. I don't know if I will be able to get through them all right now but I'm going to get started.

Yesterday Cassie accepted a job to go and teach in Twin Falls. She is moving next week. This was so unexpected and all happened so fast. It is going to be good for her. She gets paid for student teaching, she gets to have her own classroom, and then when she graduates in December she will have a full time job. She hasn't been as happy here as she could be and I think that it will be good for her to be around her sister and her brother's family. But, I am so so sad she is leaving. I didn't have time to prepare. It caught me off guard. I am going to miss her so so much. Last night I was over at Nate's house watching a movie and it just hit me that when I go home she wasn't going to be there. No, she hasn't moved yet but she is out of town but I realized that soon she won't be there. When I am home, that won't be her home. She is moving on. Yes, i am happy for her but I am just going to be sad about it for a while. I actually don't even want to start thinking about it all right now so that's all I am going to say about it for now. Maybe I'll write more about my thoughts another time. I just know that Cassie is and will remain my best friend and for that I am so grateful.

Yesterday was a a whirlwind of a day. All of this happened with Cassie and then more happened. I came home from FHE and decided that I wanted to watch The Kid. I ended up going over to Nate's house to watch it with a few people that were over there. I was crying a lot during the movie. But I don't think that anyone noticed. Nate came and sat by me when he was done doing some stuff he had to do. I think it was pretty obvious that something was wrong with me. It was nice to just lay there and have him sitting close next to me. When the movie was over and it was time to go Nate said he would walk me home instead of me going with Jared and Jake. On the walk home he asked me about Cassie leaving and we talked about that a little and some other things. When he got to my house he walked up to the steps with me. He told me sorry about Cassie leaving and put his arm out to give me a hug. I admit I went in and probably hugged him harder than he was expecting but I really felt like I needed a hug and it felt so good for him to hug me. I just stayed there for a while and it really did make me feel better. After a while he told me that he had planned on coming over early so that we could talk about some things but that he was leaving for work in the morning and wasn't coming back until Thursday so we could talk then or if I wanted we could just talk then. I seriously considered telling him that if it wasn't going to make me happy then I couldn't handle it right then. But, I just asked him if he wanted to sit down. So we sat down on the steps and we sat there for a second and then he finally started talking and he said well Tyleen, I like you. So I sat there for a second and then I grabbed his arm and put my head on his shoulder for a while. It seriously felt so comfortable. Then I asked him if he knew I felt the same way. He just smiled at me and said he did. We talked about some other things and just sat there by each other and kind of held hands and were just finally close to each other after I've been feeling like I wanted that for so long. It felt soooo good to sit there with him. And it feels so good to not wonder what he is feeling anymore. He told me that I didn't need to be confused anymore. I asked him if he had any idea how confusing it had been. He just laughed and said no. After a little bit I told him he should go because he had to leave at 5:30 this morning for work. He gave me another hug and then he left. So he is in Bear Lake right now for work and is either coming back tomorrow or Thursday. And I actually miss him. Lots. I just wish that now that I know what is going on we could be around each other. I know he will be back soon and I am so glad. I like him. A lot. More than I have liked anyone in a really really long time. It is kind of scary for me to put myself out there like this but he is worth it. Everything I know about him so far is good. He is a really good guy. So I guess right now things are good and I just have to wait and see what's going to happen. But, things are good. I am happy.

I still don't have a job. My last paycheck comes on Friday. I am stressed about it when I think about it. But, I still feel like things are going to work out and be ok somehow. Hopefully I will find one soon so I don't have to stress anymore. I just need to get some more motivation to get out there and do something.