workin out

Today I started working out again. I took 3 weeks off and let me tell you, that was a mistake. I am out of shape. Very out of shape. I have 4 weeks until Janiece's wedding and I am determined to go to Oregon in shape feeling good about myself. I need to buckle down, make a plan, and do it. So... here goes.

Uhh... this is going to be long.

I haven't been on here in a long long time. I have been too busy and I feel overwhelmed with how much has been going on in my life so I don't even know where to start. The last time I was on here I said that I was going to talk more about my birthday. Well, it came, it happened, and it left. I will talk more later. A few other things in my life: I bought a house, I went through the temple, I am one week away from finishing my 2nd year of teaching, I have learned more about myself and realized I am happy. So, I guess I am just going to go through things one at a time and see how far I get today.

My Birthday:
I went to work. A couple of my classes sang to me. It was sweet and nice of them. When I got home I worked out as fast as I could and then went to dinner. Me, Cassie, Amanda (roommate), Jordan (Amanda's fiance), Brock, and Tyson (both Jordan's roommates), Carrie and Tyson went to Craigos. It was delicious and I stuffed myself beyond belief. When we got back we were all so full that we just laid around for a while. Cassie and I played some cards and then Hilary and Jesse came over and we all had brownies and ice cream. It was a pretty good day. I still can't believe that I am 25. I realized that I have a lot of good friends. I got a lot of texts and phone calls and messages on facebook. It was a good birthday and I was happy.

Buying a house:
Ya, I bought a house. I still can't believe that it is mine. It is pretty close to where I lived before. I LOVE living here. It is a cute little house. It is just under 2000 square feet. Cassie and Carrie are living here with me and will continue to live here for next year. Also, a girl named Sasha is living here just for the summer. She is on the track team with Cassie. There are 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. Upstairs there is a family room, 2 of the bedrooms, a bathroom, and the kitchen. Carrie and Sasha live up here. Downstairs in the basement there are the other 2 bedrooms and the bathroom. Also, a family room and laundry room. Cassie and I are down there. I was a little nervous about how things were going to go with all of us living here and some of the problems from the recent past but so far things have been pretty good. I feel like Cassie and I have become better friends and I have learned things about myself and what is important to me. I bought some couches that I love. I have a lawn to mow, a house to take care of, bills to pay. I feel like a responsible adult. And, I must say, I like it. I like having direction in life. I like feeling like I am moving forward in a positive direction. I like my life and I like living here. I hope to post some pictures soon of my house. I want to remember how it felt moving into my first house.

The first night after I moved in I slept here alone. I asked Cassie and Carrie to wait to stay here cause I just wanted to be here and let it soak in that I was in my house. MY house. It felt surreal. It was pretty overwhelming when I was looking at houses and going through the process of finding one and making an offer and all that. At times I was feeling a little down because finding your first house and making that huge life changing decision is not one I ever intended on doing on my own. I always pictured myself doing all of this with a husband and with a family. I felt alone and scared. But, I felt good and at peace about it so I moved forward and I am so glad that I did. I am supposed to be here and in this stage in my life. It has been a good experience so far and I expect a lot of good memories to be made in this house.

The temple:
Last Saturday I went through the temple. I wrote a lot about it in my journal today so I am not going to write much about it here but it was so good. I was really nervous to go because the unknown is hard for me. My family came into town and went with me. It was so good. There is still a lot for me to learn and I don't know if it is possible to ever learn everything but the feeling is good there and I am so glad that I made the decision to go. It has added perspective to my life and added direction and focus.

Teaching:
Our last day of school is this Thursday. I can't believe that I am finishing my second year of teaching. I remember being in school thinking that I was never even going to make it to graduation and now I have been done for 2 years. This year has been good. I can't even believe how much better it is to teach your 2nd year than your 1st. I like being in a place where I know what is going on. I like knowing the people I work with and I like knowing the students already. I feel like I was a better teacher this year. There are still some things that I need to work on to be even better but I feel good about how this year has gone. I have had struggles. I have had unbelievably hard days and weeks. But, I have made it through. I have learned things about how to handle difficult kids. I have learned how to deal with difficult coworkers. It has been a good year. But, I couldn't be happier that it is ending. I need summer vacation bad. My patience is running out and my students are getting extra whiny and needy. I am excited we only have this week left.

Things I have learned:
I guess I already knew this about myself but I have realized even more lately how important good friendships are to me. I have always been one that more than anything I want to surround myself with people I love and care about and I know care about me and build me up and help me be a better person.

I have been able to talk to Jordan Munns more lately. I miss him and cherish the friendship we have had. I am glad that we have been talking more and I am glad we get to remain close.

For the first time in my life I have a best friend. Cassie Merkley is the best friend that I have ever had. The other day I was thinking about the friends I have had in my life who I have considered to be my "best friends" along with other people I thought a lot about Daniel. He and the others were all really good friends. We cared about each other. Knew a lot about each other. Liked doing the same things. Had a lot of fun together. But, with mine and Cassie's friendship, it is more than that. I guess the difference between everyone else and Cassie is that our friendship is more balanced. Before, I have always felt like I cared more than the other person and that I put more of myself into the friendship than the other person. But I know Cassie genuinely cares. She is there for me no matter what. A couple of months ago I remember I was laying in bed after just having a conversation with Cassie about a fireside I had just been to. I shared my most inner and personal thoughts with her and we had a discussion about it. I couldn't believe after she left how comfortable and open I had been with her. I don't think that's happened with a girl and me ever. I sent her a text and I want to always remember it so I am going to type it in here because it really described my feelings at the time and now. "how undescribably grateful I am to have a friend that I feel comfortable enough with who I can truly trust my most personal thoughts and feelings and know there is no judging and no fear of betrayal and that even though complete understanding may not always be there I know you are there no matter what and that you always truly care. I cannot describe my feelings and thoughts right now. I am just so overwhelmed with gratitude for you have truly been a friend unlike any I have ever had. I will be eternally grateful for all you have done for me. I love you and I thank you for who you are and who you help me be." I am a better person because she is my friend and I couldn't be happier to have met her and become her friend.

Well, there is a lot more I could write about but I think that's all I have for now. I am going to try to write more on here especially this summer as I have more time to do more things for myself. But, mostly I guess I want to just convey that right now, my life is good. I feel good about things. I like how things are going. I am happy. And that is worth more to me than anything in the world.

Birthday

I had my birthday last week. I turned 25. I am not quite sure how I feel about being 25 yet but maybe soon I will be able to post what's going on with my life these days. Some pretty big changes along with a whole lotta not so exciting stuff. Someday soon...

100 Posts and too much reality...

Last post was my 100th post. Go me. I am glad I started this thing. Its nice looking back and seeing how I have grown and changed and what I have learned.

Lately I have been dealing with way too much horrible reality. And I mean WAAAAY too much. On Wednesday one of my co-workers got arrested during school. He has been charged and admitted to sexual battery to a minor. Basically I don't understand all of the legal stuff but what happened was he started having an affair (he was married when it began) with a JUNIOR in high school and their "relationship" or whatever the crap you call it has been going on ever since. That's two years. He admitted yesterday to "things" happening over 50 times. What the heck. And, since everything has been coming out the news reported that one of the "incidences" was in a school van on a school trip. I just was and still am in complete shock with all of this. How could anyone be so stupid? He got released to house arrest but is obviously still facing tons of problems and could possibly end up serving life in prison. I am disgusted. I don't know how to feel. Every time I see his face on the news or internet I feel horribly sad for him because his life is totally and completely ruined. But, at the same time I am glad things have been stopped and he is being held responsible for the complete idiocy and horribleness of what has happened. Also, I feel sorry for the girl but mad at her at the same time. Yes, she was a student. Yes, he is the responsible adult and should have not let it happen. Yes, she was 17 years old. BUT, she also knew he was married, has 2 kids, is his student, and I know her and know that she is not in anyway naive and fully knew what was going on and how completely wrong it was. They both have fault. Yes, his is more like I said but she isn't squeaky clean from all of this either.

Blah... I just hate it and hate that I even have to think about it and wonder how to feel and feel so confused about how it even happens. Students are completely at a loss. I don't know how to help them.

Another crappy thing happening is Bre (the lady I coach with) has totally and completely lost it. Last night in the locker room during half time she let loose and screamed and yelled and used every horrible word in the book. And who was she yelling at? 15-17 year old girls!!! How could you even begin to think that was ok? I am so tired of people being stupid. I feel bad for the girls. I feel bad for their parents. I feel bad for the teams that have to come play us. I feel bad for Bre that she lives life in the way that she does. I just feel plain bad.

I need the weekend more than ever. Thank goodness its Friday.

I should be sleeping...

I should be laying down, closing my eyes, and going to sleep right now. But, I want to write something down so I don't forget. Last night I was talking to Cassie about life and I came to a realization of why I feel like I am tired of teaching lately. I think that for maybe the first time, I truly feel ready to get married. I feel like I am ok with who I am enough that I can find someone that will best compliment my personality and how I want to live my life. I think that before i was so confused that I wouldn't have been able to figure out what I wanted or needed and in the end that wouldn't have been good. But, now.... I know who I am, I know where I am in my life, and I know where I want to end up. And ultimately, I want to end up being a wife and a mother. I think that as I hear about more of my friends getting married and having babies and being moms and doing that "season" of their life makes me ready for it too. And so that's why I think teaching is wearing on me. I know I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. I know that it is not my purpose or my goal or what I want to be truly happy. But, I also know that this is where I am and this is what I need to be happy doing for right now. I know that things will happen eventually and that when it does I will realize how worth the wait it has been. All I have to say is that this guy, no matter who he is, better be pretty dang amazing and love me more than life itself.

Now what?

I feel like I need to change something in my life. I don't know what it is or why I feel that way or I feel like I do need to but I do. I don't feel motivated to teach anymore. I don't know what it is but I just don't want to plan lessons and I don't want to deal with students and I don't want to wake up and drive to work. And I am just unmotivated. I don't know what it is. I am not sure if I would feel the same way if I had a different job or if it would be better. I think that the thing that is most wearing on me is the fact that I don't ever get to not be thinking about or doing or worry about work. How many other jobs are like that? I don't really know. But it is always in the back of my head and I am always worrying about students and lessons and things like that. I love coaching. I wish that I could just coach and that be it. I think that one of the reasons I started thinking about teaching is because over Christmas break Devin was talking a lot about how he was probably going to start a hospice and he said he wanted me to come work for him. I don't remember what he said the actual title would be but I do know that he basically wants me to run the office and paperwork part of the company. He told me how much he would pay me even and its more than I make now. And, he said that if I found a coaching job I could leave work early to go and coach. I am not sure how much I would like that but if I could do it today I think I would. I just wish that I didn't feel so burnt out. I don't even have my lessons for tomorrow planned yet and I don't even care that much even though I really should. I just don't know. I just need to figure out what I am supposed to do now.

2009!!!

So I thought I was going to start being better about writing on here more but I guess that was just wishful thinking. My life, believe it or not, is even busier than it was a month ago. January is always a crazy month. We have to start practicing late now so I have really really long days. Life for the most part is good though. I can't complain. I have been thinking about last year and want to do another year in review. I'm not sure if I will be able to remember things very well but I'm going to try. Here it goes...

January: Still coaching the Freshman Girls basketball team, learning how much I love the girls and am willing to do anything for them (even go to one of the girls house when she was going to run away to talk her out of it). Continued my calling of the Relief Society's 2nd counselor.

February: Not too exciting of a month. Finished coaching. Remembered what it was like to have free personal time again. Decided I needed to get into shape and started exercising again.

March: Started having more fun and making more friends. Spring break came but was only Thursday, Friday, Monday so I just went home and spent time there not doing anything too exciting.

April: Turned 24. Bought myself my own Birthday present (Chaco sandals) Realized everyone was going to be leaving soon when ISU's semester ended. Started playing more and having more fun. Realized how fast the year was really flying by.

May: Moved in with Erica Bradshaw when all of my roommates left for the summer. Watched Erica and Shaun play softball in the evenings because I actually had time. Ran more.

June: FINISHED MY FIRST YEAR OF TEACHING!!! Went to Utah for a few days when school got out to visit Karissa's family and Trent but had to come home earlier than planned because my allergies were so bad I thought I was going to die. Left for a 3 WEEK trip to HAWAII!!!!!

July: Spent the 4th in Hawaii laying on the beach and soaking up the sun. Jess (basketball girl who graduated last year) got in a very serious car accident and luckily survived. Came back just in time for Devin to get MARRIED to Cortney! Left on a 2 week vacation with my family (Dad, Mom, Jenica, Kendra and Janiece came for the Vegas/Youngberg part) which included: 7 peaks, Bryce Canyon, Zion's national park, the Grand Canyon, Vegas, Youngbergs, the beach, Six Flags, LA, Hollywood, San Francisco, China Town, Yosemite National park, and a whole lot of riding in the car.

August: Finally made it back to Pocatello after having been gone for basically the whole summer. Got ready to start teaching my 2nd year in American Falls. Got called to be the activities Co-chair in my ward (the best singles ward I've ever been in)

September: The school year is under way and I realize how much better and easier the 2nd year of teaching is going to be. Start training for a half marathon with Trent Devin and Cortney. Started becoming better friends with one of the best friends I've had. (Cassie Merkley)

October: Took a day off of work to go visit Janiece and Jenica in Rexburg and just take a break before basketball starts again. Played and played as much as I could. Ran and ran and ran.

November: Started coaching the JV girls basketball team. Ran in a half marathon with Devin Jenica and Cortney. Went home for Thanksgiving and had some much needed relaxation after one of the hardest weeks ever right before break. (I almost had a meltdown, seriously)

December: More basketball. I feel like all I do is work and coach and sleep very little. Survived until Christmas break. Went home where I got to spend 2 weeks. Our entire family was there for Christmas and we all had so much fun. Cassie came and spent the week after there and we all learned how to crochet. I made the coolest hat ever! Spent New Year's at home playing games.

Wow, what a year. Its hard to believe all of that was just one year. Its amazing how much can happen in just 365 days isn't it? I guess I had a pretty good year when I think about everything that I got to do!