Thursday, December 10, 2009
tired and cold
I worked for 17 hours yesterday and by the time i get home tonight it will be a 10.5 hour day. and when i was driving to work today it was 10 below zero. I am tired and cold.... and cranky.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Half Marathon
I am FINALLY writing about my half marathon...
I so did not know what I had gotten myself into going into this race. This should give you an idea of how hard this was:
just check out that elevation chart at the bottom. I mean could there be any more hills?? It was so hard and I even had to walk up that last hugely steep hill for a while. But.... it was so much fun!
I had so much fun running with my family. I am really glad that I did it. I honestly believe that it was this race that saved mine and Devin's relationship. Even though we were really close growing up over the past couple of years we have had our battles and both have said things that were not nice and I can definitely say I thought things were never going to get better. But, training for this brought us together. And I couldn't be happier about it.
We all decided that we want to do another one. The half marathon length was just perfect. When I ran my full marathon 4 1/2 years ago I made a goal I would run one every 5 years. That would mean I need to do one next summer... We'll see how that all goes.
I do love running. It is so freeing and just makes me feel good. I wish I had more time during basketball season to run. But, I am just so dang tired when I get home. I am going to get into insane shape as soon as basketball ends. Mark my words.
I wish I could add pictures but I am at work and all my pictures are at home.
I so did not know what I had gotten myself into going into this race. This should give you an idea of how hard this was:
just check out that elevation chart at the bottom. I mean could there be any more hills?? It was so hard and I even had to walk up that last hugely steep hill for a while. But.... it was so much fun!
I had so much fun running with my family. I am really glad that I did it. I honestly believe that it was this race that saved mine and Devin's relationship. Even though we were really close growing up over the past couple of years we have had our battles and both have said things that were not nice and I can definitely say I thought things were never going to get better. But, training for this brought us together. And I couldn't be happier about it.
We all decided that we want to do another one. The half marathon length was just perfect. When I ran my full marathon 4 1/2 years ago I made a goal I would run one every 5 years. That would mean I need to do one next summer... We'll see how that all goes.
I do love running. It is so freeing and just makes me feel good. I wish I had more time during basketball season to run. But, I am just so dang tired when I get home. I am going to get into insane shape as soon as basketball ends. Mark my words.
I wish I could add pictures but I am at work and all my pictures are at home.
Monday, November 9, 2009
I am TIRED
Another one of my close girl friends told me she got engaged this weekend. I am happy for her, really like the guy, think they'll be good together but... I feel like crap. I am tired of being excited for other people. I am tired of being patient and trying to stay positive and tired of acting like it doesn't bother me that I'm not married. I am tired of meeting losers. I am tired of people telling me they have someone they want me to meet. I am tired of getting crap for still being single. I am tired of people telling me how great it is to be married. I am tired of people telling me they are surprised I'm not even dating. I am tired of wishing I could be a wife and someday a mom. I am just tired. period.
Days like this suck. I don't like feeling sorry for myself. I don't like crying myself to sleep and then waking up in the same mood while I try to act like everything is ok. I feel like I just want to start running and go and go and go til I can't go anymore. Maybe I will. Tomorrow better be better than today.
Days like this suck. I don't like feeling sorry for myself. I don't like crying myself to sleep and then waking up in the same mood while I try to act like everything is ok. I feel like I just want to start running and go and go and go til I can't go anymore. Maybe I will. Tomorrow better be better than today.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Sunday is a thinking day
Sunday is a thinking day. I think I am too busy during the week and have too many other things on my mind to think much about my own life. Church today was so good. It was ward conference so everything was done by the bishopric and stake leaders. I love days that make me take the time to think about the things that are truly important in life. Overall, I am pretty happy with how my life is going these days. I have a good job, I have good friends, I finally have the time and resources to help people as much as I want to. It feels good to feel good. For too long in my life I was depressed and wanted to just get to the next stage of my life but now, I have learned to be happy where I am, doing what I am doing. Last Christmas my family picked a theme for the year and it was "Be Happy Now". I am really glad that I have been able to focus on that this year because it really does make the biggest difference in my life when I focus on this and I am happy with what I am doing now.
Yes, sometimes I do wish I was married and could start a family and get to do all of the things that I see my family and friends doing but right now, I have different things I need to accomplish. And, I am happy about it. I am glad Sundays are thinking days because today, I realize, life is good.
Yes, sometimes I do wish I was married and could start a family and get to do all of the things that I see my family and friends doing but right now, I have different things I need to accomplish. And, I am happy about it. I am glad Sundays are thinking days because today, I realize, life is good.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
In a quiet way
I remember thinking about the way that people live the gospel in their lives when I lived in Provo. There were so many different displays of people's beliefs and testimonies that it made me think about how I showed what I truly believed in my every day life.
I think that was maybe one of the main reasons provo and I didn't mesh was because there were too many different people living life in ways that didn't make sense to me. There were the people that showed up to church on Sunday and that was pretty much it. Throughout the week I saw and heard of them doing things that made no sense if they really knew the church was true. There were the people that were so self-righteous that it made me wanna never speak to them again. When they stopped talking to my roommate because she got her nose pierced i wanted to scream at them. Did they really think that they were that much better than everyone else and that they wanted to everyone to know it?
Anyways, I have been thinking about this lately. Some of the things one of my friends has told me lately made me wonder how I am doing in living my own testimony. Sometimes I feel like I don't share my testimony enough and that there are more things that I can do to make sure I am a good example and that people will really know what I believe. But, I guess I have been thinking about it and I feel like for the most part, I am pretty happy with how I am doing these days. I have thought about it and I think that the people that I have learned the most from in my life are the people that showed me their testimony and were good examples for me did it in a quiet way. They were never flashy and judging. They just did what they knew was right because that's what they wanted to do, not because they wanted other people to know about it or see it. I hope that I have been living like that. I like the idea of being a quiet, simple example to those around me. I'm not saying that everyone around me should look to me for an example of what they should be doing but I would like to think that somehow, someway I can help at least someone. I never want people around me to think that I think I am better than them. I feel like one of the best things we can do in this life is be non-judgmental and accept people for who they are and really get to know them. I feel like when I have done this and really been able to get to know people it is at these times when I can most openly share my testimony with them and they are more apt to listen because they don't feel like I'm preaching to them. Not saying I'm perfect at this... just something I have been thinking about lately. I'm just going to try to continue on in my own personal quiet way doing what is right.
I think that was maybe one of the main reasons provo and I didn't mesh was because there were too many different people living life in ways that didn't make sense to me. There were the people that showed up to church on Sunday and that was pretty much it. Throughout the week I saw and heard of them doing things that made no sense if they really knew the church was true. There were the people that were so self-righteous that it made me wanna never speak to them again. When they stopped talking to my roommate because she got her nose pierced i wanted to scream at them. Did they really think that they were that much better than everyone else and that they wanted to everyone to know it?
Anyways, I have been thinking about this lately. Some of the things one of my friends has told me lately made me wonder how I am doing in living my own testimony. Sometimes I feel like I don't share my testimony enough and that there are more things that I can do to make sure I am a good example and that people will really know what I believe. But, I guess I have been thinking about it and I feel like for the most part, I am pretty happy with how I am doing these days. I have thought about it and I think that the people that I have learned the most from in my life are the people that showed me their testimony and were good examples for me did it in a quiet way. They were never flashy and judging. They just did what they knew was right because that's what they wanted to do, not because they wanted other people to know about it or see it. I hope that I have been living like that. I like the idea of being a quiet, simple example to those around me. I'm not saying that everyone around me should look to me for an example of what they should be doing but I would like to think that somehow, someway I can help at least someone. I never want people around me to think that I think I am better than them. I feel like one of the best things we can do in this life is be non-judgmental and accept people for who they are and really get to know them. I feel like when I have done this and really been able to get to know people it is at these times when I can most openly share my testimony with them and they are more apt to listen because they don't feel like I'm preaching to them. Not saying I'm perfect at this... just something I have been thinking about lately. I'm just going to try to continue on in my own personal quiet way doing what is right.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
the final say
I have been thinking about daniel the last couple of days and i really couldn't figure out why for a while. i mean it wasn't like i was thinking about wanting to talk to him all the time or wanting to see him or wanting to be around him or anything like that. he has just been on my mind. today i was thinking about him again in church and i realized that it was just really strange to think that now that he is getting married that kind of puts a final end to the whole daniel and tyleen soap opera. nothing will ever happen again. nothing will ever be confusing. i won't ever let myself get caught up in it and get hurt. it really is done. and.... i am so happy about that. i haven't thought about daniel like that in probably over a year and i am glad he is getting married. sure i was a little wierded out when he told me he was getting married but i think that was just because i really just couldn't imagine daniel finally making a decision like that and moving forward. so today i decided to send him an email. over a year ago i wrote on this blog some things about daniel and the kind of girl i hoped he would find. well i decided to send it to him. the post i am talking about you can read here but i sent him that and then i wrote this:
so i thought i would share that with you. hopefully this girl does all of these things which i am sure she does if you want to marry her. i hope you know i really am happy for you. good job moving to this point in your life. I am going to miss knowing you're my friend that i know would be up for a good adventure anytime but i am glad you now have a permanent adventure buddy. thanks for all you taught me and thanks for helping me grow into the person i am now. i couldn't have learned a lot of really important things if it wasn't for you. hope you know that i am sorry if i ever caused you too much grief or stress. sometimes i was too much of a girl for even myself to handle :) but i really do wish you the best of luck and hope you are just so happy you can't believe it. this girl better be amazing cause you deserve it. love you my friend, and good luck.
maybe some people might think that was not an appropriate thing for me to send to someone who is engaged but who cares. i wanted him to know and its not like he's married yet. i really am grateful for all of the lessons i learned dealing with daniel. ya it was hell but i wouldn't be who i am today if i hadn't gone through it all. i really do want him to be happy and i think he finally is.
so i thought i would share that with you. hopefully this girl does all of these things which i am sure she does if you want to marry her. i hope you know i really am happy for you. good job moving to this point in your life. I am going to miss knowing you're my friend that i know would be up for a good adventure anytime but i am glad you now have a permanent adventure buddy. thanks for all you taught me and thanks for helping me grow into the person i am now. i couldn't have learned a lot of really important things if it wasn't for you. hope you know that i am sorry if i ever caused you too much grief or stress. sometimes i was too much of a girl for even myself to handle :) but i really do wish you the best of luck and hope you are just so happy you can't believe it. this girl better be amazing cause you deserve it. love you my friend, and good luck.
maybe some people might think that was not an appropriate thing for me to send to someone who is engaged but who cares. i wanted him to know and its not like he's married yet. i really am grateful for all of the lessons i learned dealing with daniel. ya it was hell but i wouldn't be who i am today if i hadn't gone through it all. i really do want him to be happy and i think he finally is.
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