emotional whirlwind

There are so many things going on in my life right now that I feel like I should write about. I don't know if I will be able to get through them all right now but I'm going to get started.

Yesterday Cassie accepted a job to go and teach in Twin Falls. She is moving next week. This was so unexpected and all happened so fast. It is going to be good for her. She gets paid for student teaching, she gets to have her own classroom, and then when she graduates in December she will have a full time job. She hasn't been as happy here as she could be and I think that it will be good for her to be around her sister and her brother's family. But, I am so so sad she is leaving. I didn't have time to prepare. It caught me off guard. I am going to miss her so so much. Last night I was over at Nate's house watching a movie and it just hit me that when I go home she wasn't going to be there. No, she hasn't moved yet but she is out of town but I realized that soon she won't be there. When I am home, that won't be her home. She is moving on. Yes, i am happy for her but I am just going to be sad about it for a while. I actually don't even want to start thinking about it all right now so that's all I am going to say about it for now. Maybe I'll write more about my thoughts another time. I just know that Cassie is and will remain my best friend and for that I am so grateful.

Yesterday was a a whirlwind of a day. All of this happened with Cassie and then more happened. I came home from FHE and decided that I wanted to watch The Kid. I ended up going over to Nate's house to watch it with a few people that were over there. I was crying a lot during the movie. But I don't think that anyone noticed. Nate came and sat by me when he was done doing some stuff he had to do. I think it was pretty obvious that something was wrong with me. It was nice to just lay there and have him sitting close next to me. When the movie was over and it was time to go Nate said he would walk me home instead of me going with Jared and Jake. On the walk home he asked me about Cassie leaving and we talked about that a little and some other things. When he got to my house he walked up to the steps with me. He told me sorry about Cassie leaving and put his arm out to give me a hug. I admit I went in and probably hugged him harder than he was expecting but I really felt like I needed a hug and it felt so good for him to hug me. I just stayed there for a while and it really did make me feel better. After a while he told me that he had planned on coming over early so that we could talk about some things but that he was leaving for work in the morning and wasn't coming back until Thursday so we could talk then or if I wanted we could just talk then. I seriously considered telling him that if it wasn't going to make me happy then I couldn't handle it right then. But, I just asked him if he wanted to sit down. So we sat down on the steps and we sat there for a second and then he finally started talking and he said well Tyleen, I like you. So I sat there for a second and then I grabbed his arm and put my head on his shoulder for a while. It seriously felt so comfortable. Then I asked him if he knew I felt the same way. He just smiled at me and said he did. We talked about some other things and just sat there by each other and kind of held hands and were just finally close to each other after I've been feeling like I wanted that for so long. It felt soooo good to sit there with him. And it feels so good to not wonder what he is feeling anymore. He told me that I didn't need to be confused anymore. I asked him if he had any idea how confusing it had been. He just laughed and said no. After a little bit I told him he should go because he had to leave at 5:30 this morning for work. He gave me another hug and then he left. So he is in Bear Lake right now for work and is either coming back tomorrow or Thursday. And I actually miss him. Lots. I just wish that now that I know what is going on we could be around each other. I know he will be back soon and I am so glad. I like him. A lot. More than I have liked anyone in a really really long time. It is kind of scary for me to put myself out there like this but he is worth it. Everything I know about him so far is good. He is a really good guy. So I guess right now things are good and I just have to wait and see what's going to happen. But, things are good. I am happy.

I still don't have a job. My last paycheck comes on Friday. I am stressed about it when I think about it. But, I still feel like things are going to work out and be ok somehow. Hopefully I will find one soon so I don't have to stress anymore. I just need to get some more motivation to get out there and do something.

Day #7

Post your favorite movie, TV show, band and food.

Favorite Movie:

The Kid
Seriously the best movie ever made. I will never get sick of watching this movie.

TV Show:

Friends
Yes, I have watched every single episode probably more than once. It is just so funny and makes me so happy.

Band:

I don't really have a favorite. I really like Death Cab for Cutie. It is one I always fall back to.

Food:

My favorite dinner is chicken broccoli casserole. My favorite dessert is ice cream, brownies and fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. My favorite candy is skittles.

Day #6

Tell us about your pets, the ones you've had and lost.

When I was little we got a dog from my grandparents neighbors. We named her Sandy after the dog in the movie Annie. She was a little mutt. She was kind of a weird dog but we loved her. She lived in the garage and in the backyard. We should have played with her more but I guess we just didn't for some reason.

The dog that my family has now is named Penny. And she is the cutest. I wanted to put a picture on here but I can't find one even though I know I have lots. I really think that this dog has been therapeutic for my family. We got her shortly after Devin's divorce and she healed us. She knew when someone needed her and she just stayed with them until they felt better. I love that little penners and I am so glad that she is a part of our family.

Day #5

A picture of somewhere you've been to

Two summers ago, after my first year of teaching, I decided I wanted to go on a big trip to celebrate finishing the year and finally making money. I went and spent 3 weeks in Hawaii. It was so much fun and was just what I wanted. Here are a few pictures from my trip.

Here is a picture of the sunset on Sunset beach. Soul Soothing.



This was the last time I was on the beach on my favorite beach we went to.



I could jump off of this rock all day every day. Now if only I could stop being such a wimp and not plug my nose!



Love this beach. I still dream about being there on a regular basis.

Day #4

10 Likes and 10 Dislikes

Likes:

1. Laughing
2. The mountains
3. The beach
4. Being sweaty from a good workout
5. Chocolate Chip Cookies
6. Heavy blankets that push me into my bed at night
7. Skittles
8. Netflix and Hulu
9. Soul soothing music
10. Painted fingernails and toenails


Dislikes:

1. Lies
2. Beans
3. Getting wet or dirty in my clothes
4. Scary movies
5. Being chased
6. Being forced to do something
7. Whining
8. Cold Feet
9. Being disappointed
10. When things break

Day #3

A Picture of you and your friends:

I don't know which friends to put a picture of so I am going to be putting more than one!






This is a picture from my sisters wedding of some of the friends that I grew up with. There was a group of us of about 15-20 that grew up together and had so much fun. I seriously don't know how I would have survived growing up without all of them.






These are my two roommates that I lived with for the first 2 years that I lived in Pocatello. I am so glad that I was able to find them and have such good people to live with. Moving here was so scary because I didn't know anyone. These two girls helped me turn this place into home. I am beyond grateful for them.






This is Cassie. My best friend. I don't know what to say about her other than she is the best friend that I have ever had and my life would not be the same if she wasn't in it. She has helped me through so many things and I know that we are going to be friends forever.






And last but not least, my family. The best family anyone could ever ask for. They are some of my best friends and I am so glad that they are stuck with me forever.

Day #2

Write about your relationship status:

This is a hard one to write about mostly because there is a simple answer. I am single. So why does that make this hard? Because I don't want to be single. I don't like that I am single. I long for the day that I am not single. And, I don't even see an end in sight to this singledom that I have going on.

It is a strange thing to go through this much of my life alone. Never in any of my dreaming about what life would be like as I got older did I think that I would make it to 26 without being married. I know 26 is not very old, I know that in the end everything will be worked out and I will be happier than I could ever imagine, but right now, its hard to see that. Some days, either when things are going great or things are going horrible, all I wish for is someone to share everything with. For someone to know what I know and to help me or enjoy things with me. I don't want to go on and on and on about why I don't like being single because that doesn't help anything. Believe me, I've tried it. But I will say this... whatever guy I do eventually end up with better be pretty dang amazing and love me more than I can even imagine!

With all of that being said... I do have a little crush going on. Not anything I want to share or write about but it is nice to know that there are guys that exist that are like what I am looking for. Who knows what will or won't happen. But, it is slightly exciting nonetheless.