i don't know

it seems like when i dont feel like writing on here either things are going really well or really not well. i wish that this case was the first. when things aren't going well its like i don't know where to start. i don't know if i could say things are horrible but things are just hard lately. i don't know how to explain or where to start. i am just ready for my time at home to be done I think. i am tired of being in the middle of family problems and having my every action and word be scrutinized. i am tired of being afraid of what i'm saying or how i'm acting around certain family members because i am worried that they will take it as me hating them or getting on their case or causing them to turn around and attack me. this week should be interesting. starting thursday we will all be together, every single member of my now 11 member family and my brother's girlfriend. that makes 11 adults (one baby) with their own opinions, own feelings, own desires, own everything, all piled together stuck in a house in the mccall idaho with nothing much around but each other. yeah..... this should be interesting.

babysitting

This weekend I watched a family of 4 kids in my ward while their parents went out of town for the anniversary and so that their dad could compete in an iron man! (that's like 2 1/2 mile swim, 105 mile bike ride and then a full marathon!!!) The kids were 13, 9, 7 and 3. I was a little unsure of how it was going to go but it actually turned out to be pretty fun. These kids were so easy to watch and so easy going. Kind of strange to think about but it gave me a glimpse of what kind of mom I want to be. I enjoyed letting the kids make their own choices about what they wanted to wear, wanted to do, when to eat, what to eat (up to a point, no you can't have hot chocolate for every meal), who to play with and things like that. I can't even imagine being a mom that was in control of your childs life. That would get SO exhausting. At the same time that these kids basically decided how their day would go they were still understanding when I would ask them to do something or tell them it was time to go to bed. They would just say ok and do it. I wonder if you can help your kids be like that or if they just come that way. Overall though I really enjoyed it and I made some money at the same time which is always a plus.

Here is a link to their mom's blog: http://wenderful.wordpress.com/
I think that the kids are pretty dang cute especially the 3 year old Will.

real life

I called American Falls and told them I was coming to teach next school year. I feel good about it. It is very strange to think that I just accepted a real-life job! Dang I am getting old. They told me I could come up and get keys and start setting up my classroom if I wanted. So weird, MY classroom. This is going to be quite the adventure!

my trip...mostly from my phone's point of view

So while i was on my trip to utah i decided to chronicle it from my phone. well i guess only part of it... i didn't really start thinking about it until i was on my way away from utah. here are the highlights-

I have for about two years been trying to take pictures of all of the signs when I enter a state. Here is Utah's!

This was at the first bowling alley catherine and i tried to go to. It was basically amazing since that was the name of our bowling team!

I think that I passed 10 of these RV's while I was driving. They were all from canada.







Here I go back to Idaho







I of course had to go and visit my park. Matt was nice enough to go and sit there while he had to make some phone calls so I was safe.





When I was finally heading home I decided to stop and go and see shoshone falls which I have wanted to go for a while. Sadly, I didn't know it cost 3 bucks to go the rest of the way down to the falls! Cash only-i only had 1.50. This is as close as I got





Off of the same exit as Shoshone falls was this viewpoint, just like a mile from the freeway. Who knew something so beautiful was right there, all of the countless times I just drove past!

I really enjoyed taking a break for a week. It was really good for me. I have been happier since I have been home. I think that I might be accepting a job on monday. kinda scary, i'm really growing up.

hunka hunka burnin lung

the elevation in utah is a beast. i had hardly been running for 5 minutes when i felt like i was wheezing. but, it still felt good. i don't think that i remember a time when i didn't feel good after i stopped running.

i have an interview tomorrow with jordan school district. i hope it goes well. i still haven't heard back from tooele yet. maybe jordan will work out. i'm still a little unsure about what to do with my life. i hope that as i move forward i will get a little more direction. but its been so nice being here and taking a break from idaho. it has been so fun seeing family and friends! i don't know how long i'm going to stay here but we'll see. as long as i'm making progress for next year then being here is helping i suppose.

not so bad

This week has turned out to be not so bad. trent karissa and zeke came to visit! it has been fun having them here. karissa and zeke left earlier today but trent is sticking around until tomorrow. i am pretty sure that i am going to caravan down to utah with him. here i come catherine! i am going to be interviewing at a school in tooele next week and it will be nice to get a break. i am going to try to get interviews with the 2 districts in salt lake as well. i think that i have come to realize that just because i am choosing a school to teach at next year its not like i have to stay there for years to come. if i like it great! if not, i can go somewhere else next year. i am not as worried about it as i used to be which is a huge relief. so today i am going to do laundry and get ready to leave tomorrow!

bla

this week has made me realize even more that i do not want to stay around here to teach. being at home is starting to wear on me. it doesn't help that i had a kind of rough weekend and no one in my family really understands or has any sympathy. my mom got mad at me for being in a bad mood. i'm sorry if i can't be perfect and happy all the time. good thing i have my own room. it has been my saving grace the past couple of days.

i am doing better than i thought with the whole daniel thing. i think it is cause i am used to it because i have done it before. i am slowly beginning to understand why things haven't worked out with daniel and me. i think i would have spent my whole life feeling like i wasn't good enough.

i am hoping to hear from a principle in tooele soon. hopefully i can go for an interview. i need to find a way to get out of town for a couple of days. i might just go to utah anyway and hang out with my sister and friends. i need a way to make some quick money.