my friend is home. jordan got home from his mission last night. i got to talk to him tonight for like 45 minutes. when we first started talking he was all weird and acted like he didn't know how to speak but as we got talking it was better again. it was just nice to talk to someone like jordan. he has always treated me well and says nice things that make me feel good. and i laughed really hard a lot which always feels good these days. i'm excited to see him in about a week. everyone needs a friend like jordan.
on a seperate note i just got a text from my friend nathan (guy i dated in high school) and he just got engaged. he's getting married in december and i am so happy for him. i have heard a lot about this girl and it just sounds perfect. i have a feeling a lot of my guy friends are going to be getting married soon. i hope they find girls that deserve them because they are pretty amazing.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
crappy
today i feel like crap. sitting on my bed crying makes me feel worse. the crappy part? i don't know what to do about it.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
its all becoming real
My first day of school is tomorrow. I soon get to meet the kids that I have just seen on paper so far. I thought I was going to be nervous by now but suprisingly, I'm not. I think that I am ready. I have been thinking about, learning about, speculating about, planning for, and anticipating this day for almost 3 years and it is finally here. I am finally going to be a real teacher.
It is almost a little overwhelming to think that I finally made it here. I am doing what I want to do. I am moving forward in my life in the direction I want to go. I am really glad that 3 years ago during the first week of the semester I decided to change majors and become a teacher. Sometimes I couldn't help but wonder if I made the right decision. After this last week of preparing my very own classroom and wondering what my very own students would be like, I think that I did. It feels natural that I am in the classroom which is comforting. I think I'm ready to do this.
I hope tomorrow goes well.
It is almost a little overwhelming to think that I finally made it here. I am doing what I want to do. I am moving forward in my life in the direction I want to go. I am really glad that 3 years ago during the first week of the semester I decided to change majors and become a teacher. Sometimes I couldn't help but wonder if I made the right decision. After this last week of preparing my very own classroom and wondering what my very own students would be like, I think that I did. It feels natural that I am in the classroom which is comforting. I think I'm ready to do this.
I hope tomorrow goes well.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
I finally woke up from my nightmare
Moving to Pocatello has not been quite as easy as I hoped it would be. It was a horrible experience and I am so glad that the bad part is over. Here's what happened.
I showed up to my "house" in Pocatello on Saturday night. Well it was NOTHING like I expected. The pictures I saw were VERY deceiving. This house was no joke at least 100 years old. I think that it used to be where the owners of a motel lived because well that's what it was. It is in maybe the most sketchy part of town in Pocatello. Sketchy as in, I was afraid to be outside alone at night. Like even on my doorstep. Ok, so the outside was bad. When I got inside I thought it might be ok. I mean the girl had nice couches and stuff the house was just old. Well upon further inspection I realized I could not live here. The outlets were so old that they were missing that 3rd prong hole. That meant I couldn't use my laptop in my room... lame. Later I found out my blow dryer didn't work in the bathroom. My bedroom was so boiling hot I wanted to sleep without any clothes on (I was tempted except I was afraid my roommate might walk in so I settled for keeping my undies on) So that night I went to bed trying to sleep but not really being able to because I was so stressed out. I dreamt about it, I tossed and turned, I woke up and just layed there multiple times. It was a long night.
Sunday morning I woke up and basically wanted to get out of there as fast as I could. My mom told me we had some family friend that lived here so I called them and asked if I could stay with them for a couple of days while I figured out what to do. They said yes I could as long as I needed to. I packed up my car with all of my stuff and went to find Carlie's old bishop so that he could maybe help me with some ideas. Well she was wrong about what time the ward met so there I was, sitting in my car with all of my crap with no where to go. I sat there for a while and just cried. I wanted to just call American Falls and tell them I wasn't coming and just go home. Basically, it sucked. After some more phone calls I finally found the bishop and he suggested moving to the complex where Carlie lived last year. He even told me which apartment he thought would be best. Well I called the girl and she said I could come and talk to her. It was nice to see it and meet her and I decided if it came to that I would just move there even though earlier in the summer I felt like that's not where I was supposed to be.
Well, to make what could be a much longer more horrible story short. I talked to some more people, went and looked at a house which was super nice but didn't feel right, stayed with the Mickelson's for far too long considering the whole time I was there it felt awkward and I had nothing to do because they have no internet or tv (really people? come on) and I finally decided to just move into the apartments.
Wednesday morning I came here, filled out all of the paper work, wrote out a fatty check, and moved in all within about an hour and a half. I feel ok about living here. Considering the alternative I guess I feel great about living here. The only concern is that once again I am living in an apartment with 5 other girls. One of which is a new freshman who is from Rexburg who is in the marching band who practices her sax in her room so far every day. The upside? I have my own room, we have 2 fridges, a walk in pantry, things are pretty new and nice and I don't feel like my personal safety is threatened.
And so, I made it. I finally am moved in. I am moving forward. I am starting the next step in my life. Go me.
I showed up to my "house" in Pocatello on Saturday night. Well it was NOTHING like I expected. The pictures I saw were VERY deceiving. This house was no joke at least 100 years old. I think that it used to be where the owners of a motel lived because well that's what it was. It is in maybe the most sketchy part of town in Pocatello. Sketchy as in, I was afraid to be outside alone at night. Like even on my doorstep. Ok, so the outside was bad. When I got inside I thought it might be ok. I mean the girl had nice couches and stuff the house was just old. Well upon further inspection I realized I could not live here. The outlets were so old that they were missing that 3rd prong hole. That meant I couldn't use my laptop in my room... lame. Later I found out my blow dryer didn't work in the bathroom. My bedroom was so boiling hot I wanted to sleep without any clothes on (I was tempted except I was afraid my roommate might walk in so I settled for keeping my undies on) So that night I went to bed trying to sleep but not really being able to because I was so stressed out. I dreamt about it, I tossed and turned, I woke up and just layed there multiple times. It was a long night.
Sunday morning I woke up and basically wanted to get out of there as fast as I could. My mom told me we had some family friend that lived here so I called them and asked if I could stay with them for a couple of days while I figured out what to do. They said yes I could as long as I needed to. I packed up my car with all of my stuff and went to find Carlie's old bishop so that he could maybe help me with some ideas. Well she was wrong about what time the ward met so there I was, sitting in my car with all of my crap with no where to go. I sat there for a while and just cried. I wanted to just call American Falls and tell them I wasn't coming and just go home. Basically, it sucked. After some more phone calls I finally found the bishop and he suggested moving to the complex where Carlie lived last year. He even told me which apartment he thought would be best. Well I called the girl and she said I could come and talk to her. It was nice to see it and meet her and I decided if it came to that I would just move there even though earlier in the summer I felt like that's not where I was supposed to be.
Well, to make what could be a much longer more horrible story short. I talked to some more people, went and looked at a house which was super nice but didn't feel right, stayed with the Mickelson's for far too long considering the whole time I was there it felt awkward and I had nothing to do because they have no internet or tv (really people? come on) and I finally decided to just move into the apartments.
Wednesday morning I came here, filled out all of the paper work, wrote out a fatty check, and moved in all within about an hour and a half. I feel ok about living here. Considering the alternative I guess I feel great about living here. The only concern is that once again I am living in an apartment with 5 other girls. One of which is a new freshman who is from Rexburg who is in the marching band who practices her sax in her room so far every day. The upside? I have my own room, we have 2 fridges, a walk in pantry, things are pretty new and nice and I don't feel like my personal safety is threatened.
And so, I made it. I finally am moved in. I am moving forward. I am starting the next step in my life. Go me.
Friday, August 15, 2008
moving
i am moving to pocatello on saturday. i finally found a house to live in. i think that it sounds like a pretty good set-up and its a steal of a deal. 200 a month! for my own room, washer and dryer, all utilities included. ya, pocatello has cheap housing. and its even cheaper because its further away from ISU than most students want to live so basically i am glad i found it.
i am excited to move on to the next step in my life. i am ready. home has been better lately but its time to look forward. i have next week to set up my classroom and then meetings start the monday after that and then school starts on wednesday. hard to believe. my friend dan started today. he said that it was fun which made me feel good that he had a good first day. dan is insisting that i call him on saturday so that he can come and help me move in. maybe him and i can just be friends again. we did have a lot of fun in vegas. i just don't want him to think more than is really there. i'll have to play it by ear.
well, one more day. i haven't even started packing. i am going to do that all day tomorrow. it shouldn't take too long. i am basically pro at it by now considering i have been doing it basically every 4 months for at least the last 2 years. my next post will probably be from my new place... that sounds nice.
i am excited to move on to the next step in my life. i am ready. home has been better lately but its time to look forward. i have next week to set up my classroom and then meetings start the monday after that and then school starts on wednesday. hard to believe. my friend dan started today. he said that it was fun which made me feel good that he had a good first day. dan is insisting that i call him on saturday so that he can come and help me move in. maybe him and i can just be friends again. we did have a lot of fun in vegas. i just don't want him to think more than is really there. i'll have to play it by ear.
well, one more day. i haven't even started packing. i am going to do that all day tomorrow. it shouldn't take too long. i am basically pro at it by now considering i have been doing it basically every 4 months for at least the last 2 years. my next post will probably be from my new place... that sounds nice.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Sunday
For me, and I'm sure for others, Sundays are a day for lots of thinking. Depending on my mood this can either be good or bad. Today was a pretty good day overall. Church was good even though the lady that taught relief society drives me crazy and even though I am not in town to go to this ward very often it seems I never miss the Sunday that she teaches. I am so lucky... But things were still fine. After church Janiece had some friends from the singles branch come over and play games. I played with them on and off. Its hard for me to care if I meet people here since I am leaving in less than a week (still can't believe its finally time). So we played games and I watched some crazy good olympics with my dad. Anyone who saw the mens 4x100 swimming knows what I'm talking about! And so, overall a good day.
So what did I think about this Sunday? Well, it was Daniel. But, not in a way that I have thought about him and our situation so much in the past. I felt like today was healthy. The reason I started thinking about him was I was writing in my journal and I read something that I wrote last fall semester. I was just talking about what kind of person I thought Daniel was and about how I think that he as the ability to do some amazing things in this life. Well, it just made me think about him as a person and what he is doing with his life and where he is going and what he is going to end up doing. And mostly, the feelings and thoughts I had today were that I just want him to find someone so bad that will love him as much as I loved him. I want him to find someone that will support and encourage him in all of the crazy adventures he likes doing, that won't be mad when he spends so long playing after working hard all day, that will let him relax when he can't go anymore, that will help him become the kind of man that I know he can be, that will realize how smart he is and won't let him settle for second best, that will give him beautiful children that he can be an amazing dad to, that will push him to always be learning new things because that's what makes him happy, that will be brave enough to stand up to him when he is being unreasonable and stupid, and mostly, a person that just makes him be happy and helps him be an honorable priesthood holder who keeps his commitments and fulfills the leadership roles that he was born to do. I know he will find that person that does all of these things and more. And, I hope that when he does meet her that he will realize what an amazing person she is and treat her the way that he should and that he will fight for her and make her know how much he loves her. I just want Daniel to be happy.
So what did I think about this Sunday? Well, it was Daniel. But, not in a way that I have thought about him and our situation so much in the past. I felt like today was healthy. The reason I started thinking about him was I was writing in my journal and I read something that I wrote last fall semester. I was just talking about what kind of person I thought Daniel was and about how I think that he as the ability to do some amazing things in this life. Well, it just made me think about him as a person and what he is doing with his life and where he is going and what he is going to end up doing. And mostly, the feelings and thoughts I had today were that I just want him to find someone so bad that will love him as much as I loved him. I want him to find someone that will support and encourage him in all of the crazy adventures he likes doing, that won't be mad when he spends so long playing after working hard all day, that will let him relax when he can't go anymore, that will help him become the kind of man that I know he can be, that will realize how smart he is and won't let him settle for second best, that will give him beautiful children that he can be an amazing dad to, that will push him to always be learning new things because that's what makes him happy, that will be brave enough to stand up to him when he is being unreasonable and stupid, and mostly, a person that just makes him be happy and helps him be an honorable priesthood holder who keeps his commitments and fulfills the leadership roles that he was born to do. I know he will find that person that does all of these things and more. And, I hope that when he does meet her that he will realize what an amazing person she is and treat her the way that he should and that he will fight for her and make her know how much he loves her. I just want Daniel to be happy.
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