I hate crying.
Besides that, things are in general good. I really like teaching and I have realized that I don't mind going to school in the morning. Well, I don't like the fact that I am out of bed by at least 5:30 every morning, sometimes at 4:45 but once I'm up I'm ok. The day goes by really fast and I don't even feel like I'm working. The students are hilarious and I laugh so hard because of them every day. I got observed today by my supervisor and the only thing that he said I needed to work on was my written lesson plan format. That made me feel good because that doesn't have to really do with my actual teaching. He said a lot of nice things and it made me feel good and made me feel like I really am meant to do this. I feel like I can connect with the students in a way that not a lot of teachers do. Kids that don't normally do anything wil do their work for me. I don't know why, but they respond which is nice to have. It will be really nice when I have my own classroom and can do things my way. 2 more weeks and I'm already half way done with student teaching. Its hard to believe that this is the last day of January. This month has gone by quickly I guess.
I told my roommate today a little about how much it sucks to not talk to Daniel and it just made me think a lot about him and made it worse. I wish there was a way I could delete him from my thoughts for a while. Catherine told me about a time in her life that she thought of after reading this and I read it and a comment someone made on it made a lot of sense to me. They said that your time is never wasted if you learn something. It is good for me to remember that becuase sometimes I feel like I wish nothing had ever happened with us but then I think about everything that I have learned and it really is a lot and I wouldn't change anything. I have learned some amazing things from Daniel and for that I will be forever grateful.
I am so glad this week is almost done. It has been exhausting. I think that I convinced some people to go on a hike this saturday to watch the sun rise. It should be amazing if it works out. I'm excited for the weekend.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
rough
Things have been rough lately. I miss him more than I thought would. Ok, that's not entirely true. I knew that I would miss him a lot but this week has really sucked so far. I heard that he had a bad day on Sunday and I just wanted to call him and see how he was doing so so bad. But, I didn't. It took all my willpower to not call or email him. This better get easier and it better really be what I'm supposed to be doing. I miss my best friend...
School has been good. I started teaching 2 more classes yesterday. They were the ones that I was most nervous for. They have gone well for the most part I think. I am getting observed on Thursday by my university supervisor so I'm already a little nervous for that. But, I guess the worst that could happen is he will tell me things I need to work on which is good to know.
Life is overall ok I guess. Someone today told me that they admire that I am always looking for the good in things so that's a good sign that I'm doing good things. Also, another one of my roommates can't help but laugh when she's around me, she thinks everything I do is funny. I am glad that the people around me think I'm generally a happy person.
School has been good. I started teaching 2 more classes yesterday. They were the ones that I was most nervous for. They have gone well for the most part I think. I am getting observed on Thursday by my university supervisor so I'm already a little nervous for that. But, I guess the worst that could happen is he will tell me things I need to work on which is good to know.
Life is overall ok I guess. Someone today told me that they admire that I am always looking for the good in things so that's a good sign that I'm doing good things. Also, another one of my roommates can't help but laugh when she's around me, she thinks everything I do is funny. I am glad that the people around me think I'm generally a happy person.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
and so it goes...
This week has been quite the roller coaster I feel like. I have made some changes and I mostly happy about them. I'll get back to that though.
School has been good. I have started teaching in one of my classes and I pick up the last two math classes next week. The first day that I taught my cooperating teacher wasn't there so I was on my own with the sub. I think that it actually ended up being better that way because I wasn't nervous at all and I felt like I could be myself and take control of the class and set the mood. I even had to get after one of the kids because he was distracting people around him and not paying attention at all. I gave them a test today and about half of them did pretty well. PE is fun. I started taking attendance and doing warm-ups. It is kind of overwhelming because there are so many of them but I think that it went pretty well. PE is a lot of fun to watch. The students do a lot of hilarious things and I just laugh and laugh.
Well back to the changes that I have made. I talked to Daniel on Sunday and asked him some important questions that have been on my mind. It was hard to talk to him on the phone because he didn't have anything to say. I was really just frustrated and confused about why I keep doing this to myself. I know that Daniel has done a lot to me that I do not deserve but I have allowed it, even welcomed it at times. Well I got off the phone and just sat on my couch alone at 1:00 in the morning just fed up basically. I was sad, hurt, mad, confused, and a million other emotions all at once. I decided right then that I needed to be done. To be really done. I realized that there was no way that I was going to get over Daniel if I kept talking to him and having him so involved in my life. And so I made a REALLY hard decision. I decided to just stop everything that I was doing that had to do with him. I wrote down all of his information out of my phone and then deleted it all from my phone. I didn't want to be tempted anymore. I emailed him and told him that for now, I just needed to step away. I told him that if there was anything that he thought it important for me to know then that was fine but otherwise I just wanted to disappear for a while. I told him that it wasn't like I never wanted to talk to him again because I still do and will always care for him but I really think that this is what I need to do for myself right now to help the most in the long run. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I have handled it a lot better than I thought I would. It hasn't even been a week yet so we will see how things go. I just hope that things work out for me sooner rather than later.
School has been good. I have started teaching in one of my classes and I pick up the last two math classes next week. The first day that I taught my cooperating teacher wasn't there so I was on my own with the sub. I think that it actually ended up being better that way because I wasn't nervous at all and I felt like I could be myself and take control of the class and set the mood. I even had to get after one of the kids because he was distracting people around him and not paying attention at all. I gave them a test today and about half of them did pretty well. PE is fun. I started taking attendance and doing warm-ups. It is kind of overwhelming because there are so many of them but I think that it went pretty well. PE is a lot of fun to watch. The students do a lot of hilarious things and I just laugh and laugh.
Well back to the changes that I have made. I talked to Daniel on Sunday and asked him some important questions that have been on my mind. It was hard to talk to him on the phone because he didn't have anything to say. I was really just frustrated and confused about why I keep doing this to myself. I know that Daniel has done a lot to me that I do not deserve but I have allowed it, even welcomed it at times. Well I got off the phone and just sat on my couch alone at 1:00 in the morning just fed up basically. I was sad, hurt, mad, confused, and a million other emotions all at once. I decided right then that I needed to be done. To be really done. I realized that there was no way that I was going to get over Daniel if I kept talking to him and having him so involved in my life. And so I made a REALLY hard decision. I decided to just stop everything that I was doing that had to do with him. I wrote down all of his information out of my phone and then deleted it all from my phone. I didn't want to be tempted anymore. I emailed him and told him that for now, I just needed to step away. I told him that if there was anything that he thought it important for me to know then that was fine but otherwise I just wanted to disappear for a while. I told him that it wasn't like I never wanted to talk to him again because I still do and will always care for him but I really think that this is what I need to do for myself right now to help the most in the long run. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I have handled it a lot better than I thought I would. It hasn't even been a week yet so we will see how things go. I just hope that things work out for me sooner rather than later.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
I did it!
I made it through my first day of student teaching. It was basically what I expected. More later...
Monday, January 7, 2008
Vegas
This past Saturday I made it to Las Vegas for my student teaching. It has been quite the experience already and I have only been here for two days.
Let me go back and recap my last week. Last Monday I went to Oregon with Brady Janiece and Hannah. It was so much fun. Basically I got to hang out with all of my guy friends that I haven't been able to really be around much since before their missions. It was a lot of fun to get to know them again. I got to be around Nathan and Brady the most. They are HILARIOUS! I haven't laughed so much in a long time. Thank you to both of them for making my week probably a million times better than it would have been if I had stayed in Middleton. We got back on Thursday night thank goodness because the next day they closed the pass because of high winds.
Friday I repacked all my stuff and loaded my car and around 3:00 I left for Utah. The drive wasn't too bad. There were really high winds and it was a little scary at times but for the most part, I made it ok and didnt' even get too tired. I got to stay at Karissa's that night and see her and Toby and Zeke. It was a lot of fun and I got to see how HUGE Zeke has gotten. Catherine came over and had breakfast with us on Saturday morning and then I left around 1:30 to go the rest of the way to Vegas.
The drive from Utah to Vegas was kind of scary in some parts. One hill I went over was especially bad. I wasn't sure my car was going to make it up. I was sliding a little and I was just overall nervous. I called and talked to Daniel for a while. It was nice to talk to someone and get my mind off of things. I was starting to get a little nervous for everything and I wasn't sure how to handle it. I don't know if you have ever driven into Vegas at night but there's this hill that when you're driving up it you can't see anything and then all of the sudden you can see all of the lights of Vegas. When I got to that point it was probably one of the times when I have felt the most overwhelmed in my whole life. My mom called me and I started to cry a little just because I was scared and nervous. I made it to my apartment ok and moved in. Since I got here things haven't been so bad. My roommates seem pretty nice and my ward is good. I actually feel really young here. Everyone is way older than me which is weird because I haven't felt that way in a long time. I went to my school today and met my cooperating math teacher. She seems like she is going to be to really good so I was happy about that. Tomorrow we go and get fingerprinted and then we have our orientation meeting. Wednesday is our first day in the school. That will be another nerve wracking day. Well, that's all for now.
Let me go back and recap my last week. Last Monday I went to Oregon with Brady Janiece and Hannah. It was so much fun. Basically I got to hang out with all of my guy friends that I haven't been able to really be around much since before their missions. It was a lot of fun to get to know them again. I got to be around Nathan and Brady the most. They are HILARIOUS! I haven't laughed so much in a long time. Thank you to both of them for making my week probably a million times better than it would have been if I had stayed in Middleton. We got back on Thursday night thank goodness because the next day they closed the pass because of high winds.
Friday I repacked all my stuff and loaded my car and around 3:00 I left for Utah. The drive wasn't too bad. There were really high winds and it was a little scary at times but for the most part, I made it ok and didnt' even get too tired. I got to stay at Karissa's that night and see her and Toby and Zeke. It was a lot of fun and I got to see how HUGE Zeke has gotten. Catherine came over and had breakfast with us on Saturday morning and then I left around 1:30 to go the rest of the way to Vegas.
The drive from Utah to Vegas was kind of scary in some parts. One hill I went over was especially bad. I wasn't sure my car was going to make it up. I was sliding a little and I was just overall nervous. I called and talked to Daniel for a while. It was nice to talk to someone and get my mind off of things. I was starting to get a little nervous for everything and I wasn't sure how to handle it. I don't know if you have ever driven into Vegas at night but there's this hill that when you're driving up it you can't see anything and then all of the sudden you can see all of the lights of Vegas. When I got to that point it was probably one of the times when I have felt the most overwhelmed in my whole life. My mom called me and I started to cry a little just because I was scared and nervous. I made it to my apartment ok and moved in. Since I got here things haven't been so bad. My roommates seem pretty nice and my ward is good. I actually feel really young here. Everyone is way older than me which is weird because I haven't felt that way in a long time. I went to my school today and met my cooperating math teacher. She seems like she is going to be to really good so I was happy about that. Tomorrow we go and get fingerprinted and then we have our orientation meeting. Wednesday is our first day in the school. That will be another nerve wracking day. Well, that's all for now.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Being at Home
Well I have been at home for 2 weeks now. I must say, it has been hard to be here for this long. I have been at college for 4 1/2 years now and it is hard to come back here and live a lifestyle that is completely different than at school. When I am at school I only have to worry about what is going on in my life. I know that it sounds selfish, but that's the stage of life I am in right now. Most importantly, no one is worried about what I am doing at school in my day to day life. It is hard to be here in a place where everyone around me is constantly watching what everyone else is doing and has a comment about it. I have never had more people tell me that what I am doing or saying is wrong as I have this last week. I am ready to not be here but I'm not sure if I am ready to go to the next stage of my life. I am scared to move to a state where I don't know a single soul. I was talking to Daniel about what he thought about me moving and he said that he thought it could be a really good experience for me and that I could have a lot of fun but it really depended on me and what I did and how I handled it. I think that he is right. I am going to really try and have a good experience and meet new people and be myself and be outgoing. Its coming faster than I thought it was going to. Wish me luck.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
We will see
I'm not quite sure how I feel about this blogging thing. We'll see how it goes and we'll see if I even keep at it.
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