and so it goes...

This week has been quite the roller coaster I feel like. I have made some changes and I mostly happy about them. I'll get back to that though.

School has been good. I have started teaching in one of my classes and I pick up the last two math classes next week. The first day that I taught my cooperating teacher wasn't there so I was on my own with the sub. I think that it actually ended up being better that way because I wasn't nervous at all and I felt like I could be myself and take control of the class and set the mood. I even had to get after one of the kids because he was distracting people around him and not paying attention at all. I gave them a test today and about half of them did pretty well. PE is fun. I started taking attendance and doing warm-ups. It is kind of overwhelming because there are so many of them but I think that it went pretty well. PE is a lot of fun to watch. The students do a lot of hilarious things and I just laugh and laugh.

Well back to the changes that I have made. I talked to Daniel on Sunday and asked him some important questions that have been on my mind. It was hard to talk to him on the phone because he didn't have anything to say. I was really just frustrated and confused about why I keep doing this to myself. I know that Daniel has done a lot to me that I do not deserve but I have allowed it, even welcomed it at times. Well I got off the phone and just sat on my couch alone at 1:00 in the morning just fed up basically. I was sad, hurt, mad, confused, and a million other emotions all at once. I decided right then that I needed to be done. To be really done. I realized that there was no way that I was going to get over Daniel if I kept talking to him and having him so involved in my life. And so I made a REALLY hard decision. I decided to just stop everything that I was doing that had to do with him. I wrote down all of his information out of my phone and then deleted it all from my phone. I didn't want to be tempted anymore. I emailed him and told him that for now, I just needed to step away. I told him that if there was anything that he thought it important for me to know then that was fine but otherwise I just wanted to disappear for a while. I told him that it wasn't like I never wanted to talk to him again because I still do and will always care for him but I really think that this is what I need to do for myself right now to help the most in the long run. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I have handled it a lot better than I thought I would. It hasn't even been a week yet so we will see how things go. I just hope that things work out for me sooner rather than later.