June 12th

Felt like putting this on here so i could keep record of where i'm at in my life...


hey daniel. how's it going? things here in idaho are going pretty well. nothing too exciting going on.

so today i was mowing the lawn for like 4 hours after i had been running so that means that i had a lot of time of doing nothing but think. for the last few days i have just been thinking about pretty much everything there is to think about. one of the things that i thought about was all of the friends that i have in my life. i have been pretty lucky to have some pretty good friends that i am still able to have contact with. last week was my friends nathan's (the guy that i dated in high school) birthday so i called and talked to him, we have been friends since we were 14. i was thinking about it and i am so glad that we are still friends and that we can talk to each other and still care about what is going on with the other. i am glad that we have been able to stay close friends even though it might have turned weird after we broke up. ok so you are probably wondering why in the world i am telling you all of this. i do have a point, promise.

here it is. i don't do very well at cutting friends out of my life. i always wonder how my good friends are doing even if i haven't seen or talked to them in a long time. and you happen to be one of my good friends!

so here's where i'm at... since we talked i have figured out some stuff. i have accepted and started to understand more of why we aren't supposed to be together. remember how i told you in rexburg that i was done with that part of my life and that you didnt' need to worry about it anymore? well that was true even though it probably doesn't seem like it. i think that what happened was when you came to my house i was kind of freaking out about growing up and moving on with my life. you were there, and things just happened. we feel comfortable with each other and will always have our past. it was easy for me to put my energy and thoughts into that because it wasn't as scary as thinking about everything else in my life. but lately i have realized that i really do need to not fall back into what is comfortable and what is easy. i have started moving forward with my life and started to figure out what i want to do and where i want to be and it feels good. i want to keep moving forward and keep figuring my life out. even though its hard, it is nice to progress in life.

so why am i writing you this email? well its because of what i said before. i am not very good at cutting friends out of my life. i feel like if i totally cut you out of my life it is like i am giving up the friendship that we have had for so long which in my mind would be totally lame and unnecessary. yes it was necessary for us to not talk for a while so that i could get my head on straight again. but i feel like i've done that. i want you to be my friend again. i want to hear of where you're going in life and the decisions you have made and the cool stuff you have done. just like any good friend would.

i dont think that i'm to the point where i can talk to you on the phone and i don't think that you mind avoiding the phone all that much. but, i would like to hear from you. maybe we could just email each other every now and again so that we can keep in touch and keep updated. of course it is up to you, if you don't think its a good idea then that is ok, just let me know. but honestly, i just want to know what's going on with you. hope things are going well for you and i hope that i hear back from you soon. have a good day!

tyleen