its goood

today i was driving home from my last cake decorating class. the sun was setting, it was beautiful. i was just driving along thinking about my life and basically i realized, i am happy. yes there are things that i really need to still work on and there are things that are not even close to perfect or how i want them but overall, i am a happy person. but why am i happy? if you were to examine my life it is not all that exciting. my days fill with working out, reading, watching lame tv shows i rent from the library, make dinner every once in a while, hanging out with the parents or sisters, or something else that is not exciting. i don't really have friends here. i don't go out and do a ton of stuff. so why am i happy? i am happy because i decided a bit ago that i was going to be. the weeks before visiting the amazing beauty of salmon idaho things were looking pretty grim for me. i wasn't doing anything with my life, i was just existing. but, something about that trip.... everything about that trip. the drive, the friends, the hike, the hot springs, sleeping outside, laughing again like i used to, being happy... it reminded me of who i like to be and how to be me. and the best part about it? it was me who decided to be happy again. my happiness was not connected to another person. and that makes me even happier.

cuticles

recently i have learned that i can tell a lot about how i feel about life by the state of my cuticles. when i am stressed, i tear them to shreds. when i am bored, a couple of them take the brunt. when i am happy, content, busy... they are just fine. so how do my cuticles look right now? over half of them are excellent and the others are healing and soon to be good. i'd say things are looking up.

moving forward

I am grateful that I know where I'm going with my life and I have a plan for at least the next 10 months or so. I feel bad for the people that don't.

kick my butt

Tonight i went and talked to a lady in my ward about working out and losing weight. well this lady, her name is gaigh, is an instructor at a gym. also, the fire department hired her earlier this year to get the new firemen into shape. basically, she knows her stuff. she is quite possibly one of the most fit women i know. she told me some things that i need to do and what she wants me to do. i feel like i know how to get myself into shape but this is really going to hold me responsible and have someone to report to. here is what i have to do for the next 2 weeks:

- work out 6 days a week for 60 minutes
- do not eat sugar
- do not eat bread
- keep a food journal of EVERYTHING i put in my mouth
- don't just run: do things to spike my heart about 2 minutes on, 2 minutes off
- jump rope, do strength training stuff
- be able to do a tricep pushup by the time she gets back (ok way harder than it sounds)

basically by september 1st i plan on rocking my world and being amazing. it feels good to have a plan

good day

this is my 50th post... wow.

today was a pretty good day. i made a skirt and fixed my purse and finished my book and finished watching monk. the only thing i haven't done yet is exercise. i am waiting for it to cool down a bit before i go for a run. i realized this weekend that the time is going to go by really fast until i move. this weekend is half over, then next weekend is pocatello and salmon then the next weekend is here then the next is party time with catherine and cass and then i basically am ready to move. i am happy about this. i am ready to move. very very ready. overall, good day!

figure it out

i need to figure out where i am going to live when i move. i realized in the past few days that i basically only have a month left before i want to move. it is strange that i am finding an apartment for real life living. i am ready for this to happen. i am ready to start the next chapter in my life. i am ready to have my own classroom. yes, when i think about the first day of class it scares the crap out of me but i am ready. i have prepared, learned, praciticed, done everything i can do. i can't believes its already july 10th. the days go by slowly but at the same time, time is flying by. i think that next week i'm going to go to pocatello and then to rexburg to go up to salmon with my friends. should be a good break!

June 12th

Felt like putting this on here so i could keep record of where i'm at in my life...


hey daniel. how's it going? things here in idaho are going pretty well. nothing too exciting going on.

so today i was mowing the lawn for like 4 hours after i had been running so that means that i had a lot of time of doing nothing but think. for the last few days i have just been thinking about pretty much everything there is to think about. one of the things that i thought about was all of the friends that i have in my life. i have been pretty lucky to have some pretty good friends that i am still able to have contact with. last week was my friends nathan's (the guy that i dated in high school) birthday so i called and talked to him, we have been friends since we were 14. i was thinking about it and i am so glad that we are still friends and that we can talk to each other and still care about what is going on with the other. i am glad that we have been able to stay close friends even though it might have turned weird after we broke up. ok so you are probably wondering why in the world i am telling you all of this. i do have a point, promise.

here it is. i don't do very well at cutting friends out of my life. i always wonder how my good friends are doing even if i haven't seen or talked to them in a long time. and you happen to be one of my good friends!

so here's where i'm at... since we talked i have figured out some stuff. i have accepted and started to understand more of why we aren't supposed to be together. remember how i told you in rexburg that i was done with that part of my life and that you didnt' need to worry about it anymore? well that was true even though it probably doesn't seem like it. i think that what happened was when you came to my house i was kind of freaking out about growing up and moving on with my life. you were there, and things just happened. we feel comfortable with each other and will always have our past. it was easy for me to put my energy and thoughts into that because it wasn't as scary as thinking about everything else in my life. but lately i have realized that i really do need to not fall back into what is comfortable and what is easy. i have started moving forward with my life and started to figure out what i want to do and where i want to be and it feels good. i want to keep moving forward and keep figuring my life out. even though its hard, it is nice to progress in life.

so why am i writing you this email? well its because of what i said before. i am not very good at cutting friends out of my life. i feel like if i totally cut you out of my life it is like i am giving up the friendship that we have had for so long which in my mind would be totally lame and unnecessary. yes it was necessary for us to not talk for a while so that i could get my head on straight again. but i feel like i've done that. i want you to be my friend again. i want to hear of where you're going in life and the decisions you have made and the cool stuff you have done. just like any good friend would.

i dont think that i'm to the point where i can talk to you on the phone and i don't think that you mind avoiding the phone all that much. but, i would like to hear from you. maybe we could just email each other every now and again so that we can keep in touch and keep updated. of course it is up to you, if you don't think its a good idea then that is ok, just let me know. but honestly, i just want to know what's going on with you. hope things are going well for you and i hope that i hear back from you soon. have a good day!

tyleen