not so good

today has been a crappy day and i dont even know why. nothing has happened or not happened. i have just felt out of it and upset all day. i have felt like crying at least once an hour. i only let it out once though. i don't know what is wrong with me. sundays are good because i get to go to church and feel the spirit and be around my ward which i really love but also, sundays are not good. while i am sitting in church that's all i'm doing. just sitting there listening, thinking, and being. there are not a lot of times in my life where that happens. i am usually always around people thinking about them and thinking about what i need to get done and what i am going to do next. i don't spend a lot of time thinking about me or doing things for me. so sundays are the day when i actually am kind of forced to think about my life and think about how i am doing and what i am doing. sometimes it can be really good because i get a lot of good reflection in and i feel like i make some good goals and discoveries. but, sometimes all of that thinking is discouraging. i start thinking about all of the things that i want in my life that i don't have and i just don't know how to fix it. i am happy with my life most of the time. i get to have a lot of fun doing a lot of things and i get to have a fun job that i enjoy most of the time and i have pretty good friends that i get to do fun things with. i am happy almost all of the time but for some reason, on days like today, i have a hard time being happy with how things are going. i am tired of being alone and i am tired of not having a boyfriend and someone to share my life with. i feel so alone sometimes. i just want someone to be there for me. i want someone to be there to support me. i like the fact that i get to do that for a lot of other people but sometimes i just need someone to do it for me. i need someone that i can count on instead of always being the one that people always count on. i know it will happen and i know it will happen in the Lord's time but i just get tired sometimes. i have been told in countless blessings that i just need to be patient and i will get everything that i righteously desire. i can wait and i can keep doing what i need to do.

catherine called me today at the most exact time that i needed to talk to someone that knows me and knows everything i have been through. i miss everyone from school a lot. i love when things happen like that. tender mercies.

tomorrow will be better. amazing what a good nights sleep will do.