So yesterday I was feeling a little sorry for myself. I don't know why but I just was. I think that I was just feeling unsure about the friend area of my life. I think that for some reason I was basing my ability to keep friends to the fact that Daniel and I aren't really that great of friends anymore. I was feeling picked on for lack of a better phrase. I was wishing that Daniel and I could move past this crappy thing that is going on where we don't talk to each other for a long time and then when I do try to talk to him he ignores me for a while and makes me feel even worse but then I started to really think about it and honestly, I guess that even though it sucks its ok. (sorry, longest sentence ever) I realized that even if there was some way for Daniel and I to just be really good friends I don't know if I would even want that. In the grand perspective of things a friendship like mine and Daniel's can't really last. Once I finally do meet someone then I won't want Daniel to be that involved in my life anymore and I'm sure the new guy won't either. That would just be not healthy. And so, I guess that I need to keep telling myself all of this so that I am ok with Daniel just being someone I know that I occasionally talk to. And besides, I feel like Daniel has changed a lot in the past year or two. Not necessarily bad or good change, just changed and he isn't the same guy that I fell for. When I feel like I miss Daniel it isn't the Daniel that he is now but the one he was two years ago. Maybe that's why things never worked out. Because the man he is becoming isn't the man I want or need. (not that I still don't think Daniel is a great guy, when he wants to be, just not the one for me.)
So now, I don't feel so sorry for myself. I have realized in the past couple of days that I have some super good friends that I wouldn't trade for anything and I am meeting new people every day. Nick and Kallen stopped by here on their way home from Utah and it made me feel really good. Well I think that it was mostly Nick's choice and Kallen just went along with it but still, its nice to know people are thinking of me sometimes.
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1 comment:
Tyleen, it sounds like you are doing so great on realizing things about you and daniel's relationship. I am so happy for you. It sounds like there is beginning to be some permanent closure. I miss talking to you! And hope you are getting excited for me to come watch you teach over Thanksgiving! Hopefully I am not too gigantic at the time! :) I can't wear my normal jeans anymore, and just wear my jeans that used to be huge on me, unzipped. Attractive I know. When I go in public I usually wear maternity pants, but they really are not cute. We get to find out what gender our baby is on Wednesday this week!!!!! HURRAY! I am secretly really hoping for a girl, but will be just as excited for a boy!!!! I really want to know how your first days of school ahve been going. I got your voicemail the other night, but were at our friends for dinner. Hope everyhting is going so well. Oh, I can't remember if I told you about my blog, and I am thinking you probably don't want your blog as a link on mine right? let me know. it is www.angandchard.blogspot.com Hope to talk to you soon!
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