monday

Monday's are always interesting. Last night I couldn't go to bed until after 1 in the morning because first of all, i took a really long (3 1/2 hour nap) yesterday and secondly, i hadn't planned what my classes were going to be doing today and I didn't want to work on it until monday (ok, i know that waiting until midnight is kind of lame and more of the letter of the law rather than the spirit of the law but at least i did that.) because i guess its real work now, not just homework, and i don't want to work on sundays. it was hard going through college without doing homework on sundays but i saw blessings come from it many times so i am going to carry that out through my life.

So, i started the week tired. stupid idea. oh well... what's done is done. today hasn't been too bad so far. The basketball student i am friends with who i have mentioned before spends a lot of time in my classroom. she has my class second period and then 3rd period she has study hall which she hates so she comes in here to work cause its my prep and then sometimes she finishes her 4th period stuff and comes and does stuff for me then. i am glad that she feels comfortable coming in here for help and to just talk. i don't know how much i said about it before but the girl needs some serious stability in her life. she has way too much responsibility for a 17 year old and i feel bad for her. i wish that parents would realize that their children can only be young for so long and let them enjoy their carefree lives. i miss being a teenager sometimes and i wish that they figured that out and enjoyed it while they can.

life

Right now my life is really really busy. teaching and especially coaching has really taken up a lot of my time. ok, almost all of my time. sometimes i wish that i just had some time for myself to do what i want but then i think about it and i am glad to be busy. this summer i didn't have any responsibility and nothing that i really had to do everyday. i was bored almost all of the time. i don't even know the last time that i felt bored. it is nice to be busy. it makes me feel like my life is worth something and that people care if i am around. lately i have really had the feeling that this is really where i am supposed to be and what i'm supposed to be doing. i am around the people i need to be around right now. it is a good feeling to feel secure with being here at least for right now. I have no idea what i am going to do next year. i don' tknow if i want to stay teaching at american falls or not. i really like it but life can change fast. guess that's exciting though... never knowing what's coming.

i need to be better at writing on here. i consider it like my journal and i haven't been very good at keeping it updated. i'm going to try to do better.

coaching

So I have been really bad at writing on here lately. I am so busy that I don't have time for anything. It is nice to be so busy. Between teaching school, coaching basketball and my church calling I hardly have time for myself. Coaching is really fun and I have grown to love the girls that I work with. There is one girl that I especially have grown close to. She is a senior and is absouletly hilarious. As I have found out more about her I know she has a kind of hard family life and it makes me sad. Her parents got divorced a while ago because her mom cheated on her dad with his best friend. Her mom is remarried and she doesn't really like her new step dad and her mom doesn't let her spend much time with her real dad because she thinks he is a bad influence (ok he has let her get a tattoo and drink with him so I guess she is right to a point) but he seems like a good enough guy and she really loves him and misses him and I feel bad for her. She just needs some consistency in her life and the head coach and I have both really gotten to know her. Last night she told me she felt like I was a big sister to her and she liked it and that she knew a while ago that I was going to become one of her best friends. It made me feel good that I was making a difference in her life. She is fun to be around and I'm glad that she knows she can come to me for help if she needs it.

who are you?

someone in the boise area keeps looking at my blog.... a lot. who are you?? i would love to know who is reading.

At least...

At least...

I am healthy.
I have a safe and comfortable place to live.
I have a job.
I have a family that loves me unconditionally.
I have money to buy food.
I have the ability to learn new things.
I feel ok with who I am most of the time.
I have friends.

But most of all-

I have the knowledge that there is a plan for me.
I know where I am going and what I ultimately want in life.
I have the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life.
I have the ability to use the atonement every single day
to comfort me and help me when I need it.

Winter came early..... Dang

Need I say more??

Dang

I haven't been a very good blogger lately. I don't know why but I just haven't felt like writing on here much. I guess I don't feel like I haven't had many thoughts worth remembering. This weekend I have been at home for conference and just for a relaxing weekend. It has been pretty nice to have some time off from life.

This weekend my brothers ex-girlfriend, Bekah, from like 3 years ago came for a surprise visit with my other brother. Devin invited her here. He didn't want us to know that he had done that so it was supposed to be a surprise for our family. But whatever, my brother is a little more transparent than that. He is starting to screw with her emotions again and it makes me mad. Her and I talked for a while and she is really good at saying things like she knows nothing is ever going to happen with them and she's not in love with him anymore but I feel like she is lying to herself. I understand where she is coming from and I know how she feels and I know that there is a part of her that wishes things would work out. I can see myself in her and it makes me ache.

Everything has just made me think a lot about my life and what's going on. And, to add to it all, Daniel called me on Thursday night just to talk. I, for some unknown reason to me or anyone in the world, miss Daniel. It is frustrating. I don't want to miss him. I don't want to wish that I could talk to him. I don't want to have dreams about him. I want to find someone to fill the part of me that feels empty since Daniel has been cut out of my life. I want to care about someone that cares about me the way that I will care about them.

I don't understand why I could want to even associate with someone that has hurt me so many times. There is something seriously wrong with my brain. I wish I didn't love the Robertson family so much. It would be easier if they all weren't so amazing and fun.